I think I'm perfect example of your average person, with what seemed an impossible dream. As a writer and poet, I've never felt 'good enough' or 'lucky enough' to be published. However, something never let me stop trying. When you feel you're supposed to be doing something, right into the depths of your soul, whether it's writing, sewing, caring for children, or being a rocket scientist, it's hard to shake the need to just 'do it'. Actually, it's nearly impossible. If you're not doing what you love, it's quite difficult to feel complete and happy. It's as if something's missing from your life.
From the time I was a young girl, I used writing as a way to express myself. Childlike poems, letters to my parents as a teen, writing for the town paper in high school, and then for a group of local papers in college. As I grew, so did my writing.
Time, being the teacher it is, showed me that lessons learned in this life, even the painful ones, are learned for a reason. They give us strength, character, and the ability to draw from and share what we've learned in the hope of helping others. I do that through writing. Although there are many things I'd not want to relive, I know those experiences have given me the ability to know other's pain. On the flip side, the joys in my life have given me a deep sense of appreciation for all things, big and small.
Much of my inspirational poetry has been published on the Internet in the form of egreetings. The rewards are not monetary- they reach far beyond that. A note from a stranger who was moved by a poem, or comforted, is one of the greatest rewards of the heart. It fills my spirit, and I know I'm doing part of what God wants me to do. I can't give up on that dream.
And so, I decided to try my hand at delving further into writing. This time, a novel was my goal. I knew there was a story to tell inside of me, but questions and doubts about my ability lurked in the night, creating fear and damaging my confidence. However, no matter how many times I seriously considered whether I could, or should even bother trying to take a novel from start to finish, I couldn't give up. I wouldn't give up.
After many rewrites, query letters, etc., Jackie's Heart, my first novel, was accepted by a publisher. At first, I was so overwhelmed I didn't know how to react. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Very much so. This was it. I had to get it right!
Actually, having Jackie's Heart out there causes more anxiety than singing in front of three hundred people- and I used to do that! When you sing, there's an immediate reaction from the crowd. They either like you or they don't. Fortunately, I was blessed and did pretty well. Music is part of my soul and will be forever. It's another form of expression. But, a book is quite a different matter. There's no one in front of you to say, "Hey, this was great! I loved it!" No, it's a very isolating experience, compared to the instant gratification of a live performance. You see, there could be someone across the country reading my book and loving it- yet I'd never know. Ah, and the worse fear- the one who reads my book and hates it- and I never know. You'd think singing would make me feel more vulnerable. Quite the opposite, indeed. Writing is exposing your heart and talent on paper, and it sticks around. There's no end to the song- it's a tangible object that lives on, for better or for worse.
Those fears would not get the better of me, and still do not as I stand on the rooftop and shout to the world, "I am Ellen DuBois and I have a book published! I know I'm an unknown author, but I did it and will remain unknown unless you read my book!" Yes, that takes courage. But, you know what? The courage is present because the dream is still alive. I made it this far, and for as much as I may feel un-accomplished because I'm not a best selling author, I must take that thought and throw it out forever. The dream of becoming published has come true, on more than one occasion, because I would not falter. Well, I will not let go of the dream now, it has to continue to grow. That would be like climbing three-quarters up a mountainside, only to give up and go back down. I need to make it to the top of that mountain, and only I can make it happen.
You see, that's the power of a dream when it's real. It won't let you quit, even when you're tired and worn. It keeps you going even when you wonder where, or why you're going anywhere. A dream takes your doubts and puts them into perspective. A dream that's true doesn't allow you to throw it in the trash, because a dream takes on a life of its own. It's up to you to nurture it and watch it grow.
That's part of the reason I'm writing this now. I saw a "Dreams Come True" calling for article submissions, and my own dream burst to the surface and said, "Tell the world about your book, your dreams, and your ability to stick with it even when you felt like giving up."
So, take it from me, an average person from Massachusetts who never thought she'd see her name of the cover of her own book- IT HAPPENS. TO YOU, TO ME, TO ANYONE WHO BELIEVES ENOUGH IN THEIR DREAM TO GIVE IT WHAT IT NEEDS TO LIVE.
Jackie's Heart is finally beginning to get noticed, (a great review in the regional newspaper; a successful booksigning, and the first author selection of a new bookclub). I am beginning to realize that although the road is long, it's worth the journey. I know I am responsible for taking my dream to the next level- that being: letting people know I achieved me dream. In doing that, I not only give hope to others who are just like me, I also propel my own dream to the next level.
The key is in never giving up on your dreams. When you do that, you give up on something far more precious than a dream- you give up on yourself.
New News: Another landmark in my writing career has happened. After countless submissions to SPS Studios, (dozens), the publisher of Blue Mountain Arts, I've finally broken the glass ceiling and will have one of my poems appear this year, (2004), both nationally and internationally, in one of a series of gift books, this one entitled "Sisters". It's an honor beyond words, and I thank God for my two beautiful sisters. They are the reason I was inspired to write the poem. Without them, I would not be published in this wonderful book. Blessings and inspiration surround us every moment. It's seeing them that does something- it creates the motivation to dream more, and to go for it.
I still submit work whenever and wherever possible, and know that one of these days, another piece, poem, book submission- will be published. Even on those days when I feel like life's beating up on me, the dream keeps the spark burning within my heart, giving me hope for a brighter, more successful tomorrow.
Take if from me, one who never thought she'd be able to go on Amazon.com, or walk into her local bookstore and see her book on the shelf. It can and does happen- to you, to me, to anyone who believes in and works hard enough to make their dream more than that- a reality.
And this is just the beginning.
The very best to each and every one of you. May all your dreams come true.
Ellen
© Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen M. DuBois is an author and poet from Massachusetts.
Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery, (DLSIJ Press), and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families.
Ms. DuBois is dedicated to providing a compassionate, supportive website and personally responds to all comments at MiscarriageHelp.com. Creating miscarriage awareness and support through both her book and website are her some of her deepest passions.
Ellen DuBois is also the author of Jackie's Heart (Publish America), A-Z Affirmations- Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life (DLSIJ Press), and has two greeting cards published with Blue Mountain Arts, (SPS Studios). She is a contributing author to: God Allows U-Turns (Promise Press), Soul Matters for Teens (CountryMan, A Division of Thomas Nelson Publishers), Sisters- a gift book by Blue Mountain Arts, Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders Success Stories, Strategies and other Other Good News (Hunter House), and Romancing the Soul (Zumaya Publications). She resides in Massachusetts with her fiance and her buddy Baron the Dachshund.
